So, I've written a few posts after such a long time away, perhaps I should put out here just exactly what the point of this will be moving forward...
Yes, I'll talk about my writing journey and yes, I'll throw out stories about who I feel I am as a person. I'm also going to throw out things about my more recent experiences as I learn how to live with cancer and as I learn how to be, for now, single and on the greater side of sixty. As of now, I mean "greater side" in a strictly numerical sense, but that could change...
I'm not a sex blogger. Yes, I'm a sex writer, but those scenes take place in the context of a romantic story environment and have a role to play besides titillation. And I won't be posting personal sex experiences here for all to be entertained by... I don't think. I reserve the right to do so. Besides, I do occasionally post sexual descriptions simply for entertainment value. But those are fictional, and I post them in an appropriate environment.
Now, talk about sex will happen. Especially talk about sexual situations in general, as opposed to specific personal sharing. I'm certain I'll be posting my feelings about things like boundaries that I want to cross or have crossed or that I feel are dangerous to cross. Menage a trois is a perfect example of all three of those... bringing an extra player into your bedroom is a very diverse topic and I find it fascinating on multiple levels. I've done it, I may do it again and there is no doubt that there is danger to a relationship in doing it.
There is a certain freedom in knowing that with all the mistakes I've made, I've learned some things. The greatest example of this is probably about communication. I've learned it's not enough just to commit to not lying... so, Honesty is the number one priority, but I have come to believe that honesty needs to mean more than just "not lying."
Your communication doesn't need to only be truthful; it needs to be open and fearless... the last word is the hardest one.
Fear is a pervasive thing...and it's not as inherently negative as it is often portrayed. Fear exists because of risk. If you have fear, you are taking a risk. And risk-taking creates emotion between you and a significant other. Trust is primarily created by moments when you took a risk and put yourself in the other person's hands... and they came through for you. Every time that happens, your trust in them increases. But for that to happen, there has to be risk... and a quick way to identify what you consider risk is to ask yourself what you are afraid of...
It doesn't even matter if the risk is real. What matters is that you FEEL that it is real. Let's take, for example, something that still feels "new" to me, but is something the newer generations take as almost a given. For background, a lot of the feelings of my generation about this subject have to do with the fact that it was a much more intensive and invasive process when we were young. What I'm talking about is the nude photograph.
With smartphones and digital media, nudes are easy. It's something you can do quickly. That did not used to be true. I have some nudes dating back to the eighties, where that process was much more intense. Some of what I still have is truly irreplaceable and doesn't exist as a digital file... though I should make digital copies of the things that are irreplaceable... even a photo of a photo is better than simply a memory of a photo. And I have a couple of memories that are lost in the depths of time. But when I was in my teens and twenties, to have a naughty photo of your girl, it had to be taken with a FILM camera... which someone had to develop... and then it had to be printed. That was a much more intensive and invasive procedure than simply pointing your phone at a mirror, pressing a button and then adding the file to a text. It took effort... and for most people, risk. If you didn't have the knowledge of thow to develop film and access to a darkroom, you had to trust someone. And since the effort was greater, so was the value. so the photos I have of Jennifer, for example... which aren't full nudes, but qualify as naughty... lingerie shots, things like that... they meant she had to have a contact at a photo development place, she had to trust them not to make extra copies and she might have had to pay extra since places had policies based around the fact that unauthorized access to these type of photos might get someone sued...
This is above and beyond the taking of the pictures. Remember, selfies came to exist mostly once digital photography came about. You can now retake pics with impunity. Back then, if you messed up a selfie, you had cost yourself money... because film can't be erased and reused. So, those kind of pictures, including the ones I have of Jennifer, meant someone took the photos... in this case, me. And she had to trust me to take them, and that she would get the camera (AND the film) in the wake of the taking of them.
So, the act of sending a nude to a sixty-year-old man has greater emotional overtones... because even though we know intellectually that this isn't as difficult as it was, we still have emotional leftovers. So if my long-distance girlfriend from the West Coast sends me a picture of her that she took after she got out of the shower that morning, it probably means more to me than it did to her. Though I suspect there is still a fear factor. What if I show it off to my buddies? Things like that.
That fear factor creates risk, but also opportunity. When she knows I have not shown it to others against her wishes, I have gained trust. So the fear is not all bad for me.
But moving past a fear... courage... is a growth opportunity on both sides. So, you don't necessarily WANT to be WITHOUT fear... what you really want is for fear not to prevent action.
So, before I went on my tangent, I was beating around the bush about a mission statement for this blog. I want to both tempt you and warn you about this being a place where sex will be discussed, openly and enthusiastically. So it's probably not the blog you want to link to on your little one's laptop, so you can find it to read when you are supposed to be helping with homework.
But it certainly won't be the ONLY thing I talk about. Nor am I completely swearing off sharing my political thoughts. I have a history of being quite aggressive about sharing my political views, and I suspect eventually I will do so again. But that is not as primary a "mission" of this blog.
This is just for me to write about things I want to write about, especially seeing as how I am living a much more solitary life than I usually have in the past. This means I'm not talking about the things I kind of want to "release" with other people, which I suspect will lead me to want to release those feelings and thoughts. Here is where I plan to do so. Not exclusively, perhaps not even primarily, but it will happen here at least sometimes.
