Contest: The Top Ten Reasons NOT to Buy Artifactual

UPDATE: Entry deadline extended to May 15th.

Okay, maybe we're being a bit snarky -- and we're aware that it's considered gauche for authors to rebut their reviews -- but our feelings about RT's review of ArtiFactual require some sort of response or we're just gonna explode. So, we're gonna have some fun with it in the form of a contest. We let off some steam, and our readers win prizes. Sounds like a silver lining to us!

Here's the deal: Below, we've listed nine of the Top Ten Reasons NOT to buy ArtiFactual: Tales of the Erotique Mystique. We want YOU to give us the number one reason. Judging is entirely subjective. In other words, we'll decide the winner based on how hard we laugh. Ties and consolation prizes are possible, at our whim. No purchase necessary to win, but obviously we'd prefer you read the book before entering. That's the whole point, after all -- to increase sales.

Here's the prize: We're going to RT soon (April 25-29). There will be freebies galore -- books & miscellaneous swag (including our chocolate-raspberry San Diego Sunset body wash). We will collect as much of it as possible into one big prize basket. On top of that, we'll include an autographed CD copy of ArtiFactual and a $5 gift certificate to the Phaze store.

We'll announce the winner on May 1st, so you've 3 weeks to read ArtiFactual and send your entry to us at Artistically.Inclined.LLP [at] gmail.com. (Please put TOP TEN REASONS CONTEST in the subject line!)

Without further ado, here are the Top Ten Reasons NOT to buy ArtiFactual: Tales of the Erotique Mystique:

10. They say it's paranormal, but there isn’t one vampire or shape shifter in the whole book.

9. Having your life’s work threatened is no reason to be rude!

8. You think Bruce should've ditched the Philly Cream Cheese tart and stayed in California with the hot gay environmentalist surfer-lawyer.

7. The words "mattress" and "picnic" should never be used in the same sentence.

6. Only homeless people are allowed to wander museums talking to themselves.

5. You think that Carrara diletto is made with olive oil, garlic and parmesan.

4. Female ghosts never go into the men’s room; it’s impolite.

3. A book set in Philadelphia and they don’t go to a single Flyers, 76’ers, Phillies or Eagles game? That’s just wrong.

2. Frivolous lawsuits are a perfectly acceptable way of denying homoerotic impulses.

1. YOUR WINNING ENTRY HERE!

CAUTION: Contents hot. May cause sexual arousal, romantic inclinations, and an appetite for sex toys.