I know there was a time

I lived

without your love

but did the morning air

taste so cold?

Did the coffee

so black with bitterness

linger involuntarily on my lips?

Did the sun always shine so strong,

sparkling jewel-drops

against the gray metal hood?

Was I always able

to hear the spider

walk across it’s web?

Was the silk noose

‘round my neck

always this tight?

I know there was a time

when I lived

without your love

but I can't remember it.

special thanks to Honey and Alessia on this one. Both are wonderfully constant sounding boards and helpers, and Honey especially helped me work through this particular piece while Alessia gave me the support I have become spoiled by...

Do You Thrive On Adversity?

We all either know someone like this or are someone like this. The person that always seems to be at their best when things are at their worst. The person Kipling was talking about when he said, "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs..." They can be quarterbacks or race car drivers or simply the woman in the office down the hall that knows how to kick the copy machine just so. At times, people have described me as one of these.

That would seem like a good thing, right? But I wonder if there are trade offs for this ability, which I admit I sometimes seem to have.

For one thing, the fact that I don't panic is often misinterpreted as not caring. I do care, and often I care deeply. The outward facade of calm is exactly that; a facade. Underneath, I'm just as upset as anyone and sooner or later it has to be released. I'm not able to choose when either. So when what could have been a simple comment comes out towing a trailer of contempt and anger a week later, I end up paying a price for my momentary calm.

Then there is the issue of normal everyday maintenence. While I agree that I am good when the pressure is on, I seem to be remarkably adept at both procrastination and at missing simple things when the pressure is not on. This has the added effect of creating pressure because then things have to get done in a hurry that could have been done at a more leisurely pace.

The Appeal of Confidence

Of all the things that can affect the way people see us, the one I feel has the most impact has nothing to do with our appearance.

I had a short visit with someone I know through work yesterday. This young lady is extremely attractive anyway, but yesterday she was absolutely stunning. Now, I admit to being biased...Like I just said, I already find her attractive so I am more susceptible to being stunned. But there was something more there.

Being the curious person I am, I wondered what was different. I tried to discover by making comments about her hair, even her makeup. (Tell me girls, when's the last time a straight forty year old man asked you if you were wearing a new color of lipstick?) Unable to determine anything I finally just told her I thought she looked great and wanted to know what was different. At first she just mentioned putting a bit of a curl in her hair, but then she leaned in and confided something else.

Note: Don't ask what it was, fools. I said she "confided". She said it under her breath at a volume for my ears alone. If she wants you to know, she'll tell you.

What I will say is that it was something that would make any person feel like they were desirable.

Did you ever wonder why you go through times where you just can't find someone and then as soon as you get in a relationship, everybody wants you? There is no correlation between the way you look on the outside. You didn't suddenly lose inches off your waist. Your hair didn't get more body. Your shoulders didn't broaden, your complexion didn't clear, you didn't gain a cup size overnight.

But the energy that you're projecting is radically different. You know you're worthwhile, because there is someone new in your life telling you so. That is terribly empowering.

The same thing can happen with other factors. Anything that affects how you feel about yourself can change how others feel about you. A promotion at work, being on a winning ballclub, a new car, even getting compliments about your writing (hint, hint!)

Jack Palance, the legendary tough guy actor who is best known to my generation as "Curly" in the City Slickers movies, did a series of commercials that ended with the tagline, "Confidence is very sexy, don't ya think?"

Yes, I do.

That Pesky Commandment

While I'm not a hardcore ten commandments guy, they are generally decent guidelines...and I usually follow them pretty well. No killing, not much stealing, ya know...

But I just can't seem to follow one of them...and it's not "Thou shalt not commit adultery".

Its that coveting thing...especially "Thou shalt not covet another man's wife." Covet means want, right?

Yeah...I ain't doing too good at that one. By my count I coveted at least three other men's wife big time yesterday. Already got a head start today too...

Hope I get get a condo with a balcony over the lake of fire, 'cause Hell definitely looks to be my address at this rate....

Monday Morning After Super Sunday

...and I'm off work...and I didn't even party hard. Seems almost a waste. Where was the Monday following Super Bowl as an off day back when a Super Bowl party would have meant a lot more than a few beers and a little smoke? Back when there was no way I would have been home by nine pm? In short, when I could have used it?

Today should be quite mild...I'll get a few things done, hopefully to include some writing. I'll have to get a flat tire fixed, as I was gifted with that this morning when I went out to my truck...

But overall, I'm gonna be mellow today...no drives longer then 5 minutes, no scurrying about...gonna sit and drink coffee, do a load of laundry and yawn and stretch a lot. Maybe if I get real ambitious I'll go buy a DVD....Corpse Bride is out...