Thursday, June 07, 2007

Paris Out After 5 Days? What?

Not much really makes me care about the antics of perpetually stoned underweight spoiled little rich girls who have one expression in every photograph. I am not a fan by any means, nor do I find Paris Hilton remotely attractive. Okay, maybe for about 2 seconds in one hamburger commercial, but I may have just been hungry and was reacting to the burger itself.

Contrary to some opinions out there, I wasn't at all upset about little miss whiner's 45 days in the custody of the authorities being pre-emptively cut to 23, because I know that it is standard procedure for non-violent offenders in a lot of California jails. That had nothing to do with the family money or celebrity. It's how you and I would be treated. So I was fine with that.

But today, America's most famous spoiled brat was released after only serving five days. The first reports I saw were that she was released for "health reasons" because she was having a "nervous breakdown". Apparently her back hurt and she was crying for her mommy.

Um, hello? YOU"RE IN PRISON! You're supposed to have nerves. You're supposed to be upset. Lot's of people cry for their mommy in prison. There are big, strong, dangerous men in prison who cry for their mommy in the middle of the night, and some of them are waking up with a lot more than their back hurting. Or at least the hurt is further south. And believe me, that didn't happen to Paris. No, that happened to those of us who feel that the law should apply to all of us equally.

The precedent that this sets is disturbing to say the very least.

Look, I understand that it was probably sheer torture for the guards and her cellmate to have to listen to her whine. I suspect her cellmate woke up in the middle of the night dreaming about trying to feed carrots to a blond horse who refused them and asked for another martini.

But that's no excuse for letting her go. After all, her cellmate was in prison too. Hey, nothing would scare me straight faster than the prospect of being locked in a 5 X 10 foot concrete box with Paris for a month... especially Paris without makeup. We lost a chance to really rehabilitate at least one prisoner.

Seriously, this is just sick. My only consolation is that the hordes of photographers will make sure she stays under house arrest. Because there must be a thousand paparazzi dreaming of catching a shot of her driving on her still suspended license to 7-11 for a pint of Ben & Jerry's to binge/purge after midnight. That would be enough to buy them 30 days in a much nicer room on a beach with a roommate who looks as good as Ms. Hilton thinks she does.

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