I Can't Believe I'm Gonna Buy A Bush Biography...

...but how can I resist with quotes like this coming out of it?

"I wouldn't be president if I kept drinking. You get sloppy, can't make decisions, it clouds your reason, absolutely. I still remember the feeling of a hangover, even though I haven't had a drink in twenty years."

Gee, George... based on this I would think your best bet to explain yourself would have been telling everybody you a Jack Daniels I.V. set up in the Oval Office. At least we'd have an explanation for the way you act AND you could say you were supporting America by going with Tennessee-based JD instead of mainlining Glenfiddich.

I mean seriously... How many of us saw the bold part above and started thinking, "You mean, like reading My Pet Goat for seven more minutes?"

George also talks about crying...

"I do tears."

"I've got God's shoulder to cry on. And I cry a lot. I do a lot of crying in this job. I'll bet I've shed more tears than you can count, as president. I'll shed some tomorrow."

To me, this sounds like a virgin high school sophomore telling his buddies in gym class about getting laid. I fully expect that his next words would tell us about how he cried on the shoulder of a girl he met at Niagara Falls while on vacation with his parents, but that none of us would know her, 'cause she's not from around here.

The biographer, journalist Robert Draper, also tells about Bush being upset at the ex-Generals that were calling for the ouster of Donald Rumsfeld.

"My reaction was, 'No military guy is gonna tell a civilian how to react,'" he said.

Um, yeah George... best not to listen to those arrogant butt-in-ski "military guys" on the subject of how to run a war. You know, like how you didn't listen to the ex-Chief of Staff that disagreed with you about going into Iraq in the first place. You know, the one you had named Secretary of State but that you basically fired? The one that compared it to Vietnam?

Of course, George has NEVER compared Iraq to Viet... oh. Wait.